Top Ten Rated Quotes
| Rated Count | Avg. Rating | Quote |
|---|---|---|
| 175 | 4.9 | Season: 3 - Episode: Product Recall (# 20) Jim: [dressed like Dwight] Question: What kind of bear is best? Dwight: That's a ridiculous question... Jim: False. Black bear. Dwight: That's debatable, there are basically two schools of thought... Jim: Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica. Dwight: Bears do not...what is going on?!? What are you doing?!? |
| 163 | 4.8 | Season: 3 - Episode: The Job (# 23) Dwight: Don't you want to earn Shrute bucks? Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again. Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks? Stanley: Same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns. |
| 159 | 4.8 | Season: 3 - Episode: A Benihana Christmas (# 10) Dwight: Pam and Karen! I am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning immediately. Pam: You can't do that. Dwight: As ranking number 3 in this office I am ordering you to... Andy: Ummm, I'm number 3. Dwight: You're number 4. Andy: Yeah, but I'm number 3. Dwight: Uh no. You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately that will be returned to you on January 4th. Jim: Ok, I think I can help here. Dwight: Ok good, they... Jim: As ranking number 2 I am starting a committee to determine the validity of the two committees and I am the sole member of the committee. We'll act on this now. Dwight: Ok this is stupid. Jim: Can you please keep it down? I'm in session. [long pause] I've determined this committee is valid. Dwight: No, no, no. Wait. Permission to join the Validity Committee. Jim: [thinks about it] Permission denied. Dwight: Dammit! |
| 140 | 4.8 | Season: 2 - Episode: Fire (# 4) Dwight: Question, is there firewood on the island? Jim: I guess. Dwight: Then I would bring an axe, no books. Jim: It has to be a book Dwight. Dwight: Fine. Physician's Desk Reference... Jim: Nice. Smart. Dwight: ...hollowed out. Inside: Waterproof matches, iodine tables, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. No – Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash? |
| 130 | 4.8 | Season: 3 - Episode: Branch Closing (# 7) I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left I took a box of Dwight's stationary. So from time to time I send Dwight faxes, from himself, from the future. [reading] "Dwight at 8 am today someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight - Jim Halpert |
| 139 | 4.4 | Season: 3 - Episode: The Merger (# 8) Kelly: Jim! Jim: Kelly... Kelly: Oh my God I have so much to tell you. Jim: Really? Kelly: Yes. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, they had a baby named Suri. And then Bradd Pitt and Angelina Jolie they had a baby too and named it Shilo. And both babies are a-mazing!!! Jim: Great. What's new with you? Kelly: I just told you. |
| 133 | 4.6 | Season: 1 - Episode: Pilot (# 1) Jim: [after Dwight's stapler was put in Jello] Dwight, I'm sorry because, I've always been your biggest flan. Michael: laughing Oh! Nice! See, that's the way it is around here. It just kinda goes round and round. Ryan: You, uh, you should have put him in custardy. Michael: Oh! HEY! HEY! YES! NEW GUY! AND HE SCORES! |
| 127 | 4.7 | Season: 3 - Episode: The Return (# 13) I miss Dwight. Congratulations Universe, you win. - Jim Halpert |
| 127 | 4.7 | Season: 2 - Episode: The Inquiry (# 12) I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon ----- sue me -- and since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It's good for me. It's the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot. That's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that... - Michael Scott |
| 128 | 4.7 | Season: 2 - Episode: Performance Review (# 8) Pam: Hey Jim Jim: Hey, how's it going? Pam: Oh my God, did you see The Apprentice last night? Jim: Of course, it's on every Thursday night, so how could I miss it? Pam: Can you believe who Trump fired? Jim: No, that was unbelievable. Dwight: Who. Who was it? Who did he fire? Pam: You didn't see it? Dwight: No, I went out and got drunk with my laser-tag team last night. Crap! Never go out on a Thursday night...what the hell was I thinking? |